User blog comment:Despondence/1-800-CHRISTMAS BLING/@comment-4344174-20151214030723

Name: 1-800-PIZZABLING (this is his number, and that's all they refer to him as)

Gender: Unknown, but likely male.

Age: 22.

Problem: Not enough 1-800 numbers: he proposes merging his number and the one he calls to. They solve problems and deliver free pizza.